“We are a family that listens to each other. We might not always like what someone has to say, but we still listen” I heard myself saying to my four-year-old as he continued to stack up a wall of cushions in front of his clearly unhappy-about-it baby sister.
His wall, trying to create a boundary for her; for her movement, for her voice, for the attention she gets from me. The containment that my words offered, a boundary for him.
Because the boundary is the point at which we begin to lose ourselves. When we don’t listen to and honour our own boundaries in our motherhood (and life!), we’re a recipe for disaster. For flying off the handle. For blaming everyone else in the family for feeling tapped out, overwhelmed, and resentful.
When we don’t create safe and firm (but still loving) boundaries for our children, they can feel out of control – they momentarily lose themselves, by virtue of losing the ‘safe harbour’ we provide as their strong and capable leader.
How do we know when we’re about to let go of our boundaries, of our needs?
Maybe it’s when you metaphorically ‘throw your hands up in the air’, give up and say yes, when really, deep inside it was a ‘no’.
Or when you’re increasingly snappish and resentful, and yet at the same time unwilling to speak up for what you want (why is that?)
Perhaps it’s simply feeling a deep sense of disconnection within yourself, and therefore floating by the whims and opinions of others.
All of these are a feedback from your psyche to get you to honour you. To widen your vision, ask better questions of yourself, and create a win-win scenario where both you and your children get your needs met – not one at the expense of the other.
And it is possible. It’s something that Jules and I at Nourishing The Mother work on every day. Because like yoga, it’s a practice. There isn’t some final pinnacle of ‘success’, it’s a constant conversation with yourself, and an attunement with your children. Some days it aligns beautifully; on others, it’s more a question of ‘What can I learn from today?’.
One thing’s for sure though – it’s a path rich with love, connection, and spiritual growth.
To explore more of your mother-child dynamic and find a new toolkit for yourself and your children, join us for our next live program - ALIGNED PARENTING - commencing 30 April 2017.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:
Module 1 - Emotional Evolution
Learn the basics of secure attachment, respectful, emotionally-attuned parenting and the profound nature of the dynamic we have with our children to facilitate mutual growth. Understand what happens when we're 'too attached' or over-supportive of our children and what 'dis-regulated' states in our children and ourselves look and feel like and how to find balance again.
Module 2 - Mirror Magic
Your child's behaviour is never separate from your own, and the parts of them that trigger you the most, embody the greatest learnings about yourself and your childhood story. Learn how to find the wisdom in wounds your child is calling you into, so you can parent from a place of authenticity, rather than guilt, shame or blame.
Module 3 - Functional Dysfunction
The 'perfect, peaceful family' is an illusion. A family needs both 'war' and 'peace' within it to grow, just like we need to both support and challenge ourselves and our children to grow. Gain an understanding of your own unique family dynamic and find a new sense of gratitude for those who push your buttons, so you can empower yourself, and love more of your family, just as they are.
Module 4 - Play The Universe
Unlock the higher order of the 'guilts' that plague your motherhood and empower yourself with playful parenting principles to create freedom and joy in your relationships with your children. Implement tools to teach empathy and resilience in your children, and by extension, your own inner child, re-patterning your experience and transforming your reality.
Bridget Wood is Co-Founder of Nourishing The Mother and a lover of life and connecting people to themselves through wisdom, introspection and quality questions. Bridget is also the Director and Events Manager of Suburban Sandcastles. With an insatiable appetite for knowledge and a desire to understand the bigger picture of human behaviour and how the world works, Bridget is on an inspired path to learn more deeply who we are beyond the limitations that we, and our society and culture, place upon upon us.