It was mid-2015 when I was cruising down Pacific Highway, toddler Hugo asleep in the back, when tears of profound knowing and gratitude, spilled onto my cheeks. I had been bathing in the energy of the Byron Bay region for days, interviewing inspiring people, connecting with a beautiful friend, and opening my heart to the possibilities that the next stage of life held for me.
I was dancing with my higher self, and the dreams in my heart; to grow my business, grow myself, and welcome a daughter into our family. It was when I mused on the name 'Rumi', that the tears fell.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi
I had to crumble my own resistance, to allow her in. Six months and some deep inner work later, my belly blossomed with her presence. Her name, this daughter, became Sylvie. Last week, while in Byron Bay, I was overcome with emotion as I joined the dots on these past two years, as this longed-for little girl shoved a fist-full of sand in my mouth.
Because the path to motherhood for me, hasn't been the smoothest road; PCOS and years of acupuncture, a first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks, and 2.5 years to regain my 'fertility' after the birth of my son. While initially, in desperation, I looked outside of myself for answers, wisdom always lead me home to myself.
"The wound is the place where the light enters you" - Rumi
And the greater the wound, the greater the potential for wisdom. It's akin to the 'buttons' our children push the most for us - they reveal our biggest triggers, and our emotional reactions are the gifts from our subconscious, like a trail of breadcrumbs revealing where our next stage of growth lies. When we go there, we find our liberation.
Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? - Rumi
At this level, we can dance with the interplay between pleasure and pain; that border of support and challenge in mothering, and life, that makes us feel alive. That opens our heart. That has us saying 'Thank you' to our children for breaking us open. For helping us appreciate our darkness, and our light, so we can give them permission to do the same.
How do they do this? Well whatever we haven't loved, our children will display to us, until we learn to love it - because we will always love our children. Our most disowned parts we repress, deep inside, and at the moment of conception, our children are coded with these repressions, and part of their life's work will be to express them, so that we are confronted by, and forced to grow through, what we most despise or disown within us.
This is why the purpose of family is growth, not peace.
This is why each family unit has a unique balance of traits, interests, expressions and repressions, for the evolution of the whole.
It is why the people closest to you, push your buttons the most, because they are holding up a mirror to you.
So try as we might as mothers, to resolve to be 'better tomorrow', or hold onto some fantasy time when things will be easier, smoother, or different, the truth is, the perfection is right here now, compelling us to look deeper at our dynamic, honour our unique values (which is where our greatest service to the world, and magnetism, lies), and connect to our feminine nature and be more receptive to the life that is trying to edge its way into our consciousness.
If you're ready to really understand support and challenge, dynamics at play beyond behaviour and how it's all interconnected to your own growth - then you're ready to come and join us for 5 interactive weeks in June for our Loathing to Loving Program.
Bridget Wood is Co-Founder of Nourishing The Mother and a lover of life and connecting people to themselves through wisdom, introspection and quality questions. Bridget is also the Director and Events Manager of Suburban Sandcastles. With an insatiable appetite for knowledge and a desire to understand the bigger picture of human behaviour and how the world works, Bridget is on an inspired path to learn more deeply who we are beyond the limitations that we, and our society and culture, place upon upon us.