Why are we so afraid of our bodies?
Why do we drape and cover and paint our body to hide what it is?
Why do we think we’re less deserving of pleasure and more deserving of punishment?
Why do we punish ourselves so brutally, yet love others so wholeheartedly?
I met a woman last night at Bridget's screening of “Embrace” who was clearly so stirred by the movie she was shaking and fighting back tears as she told me about her daughter and how she tries to think of herself as her daughter in order to be kinder to herself.
You see, she had realised that the path to her daughter experiencing more self-love, more body-love and more freedom was by displaying it herself – not by telling her daughter what she should do.
She recalled her mother giving her “lip-service” her whole life around body confidence and beauty and how ‘perfect’ she was – yet this woman standing shaking in front of me knew that she never really took this on, it was water off a ducks back, because she KNEW on a really deep level what was not said; what her mother thought of herself and how she treated herself was the opposite of what she was telling her daughter. This is what this woman internalised and still struggles with; her inner critic, mirroring her mothers. It was not what her mother said. It was what she did that was most powerful.
“Enough!” This woman cried to herself one night. “If my mother told me ‘all the right things’ but did the opposite for herself and that’s what I took on, then I must walk the walk for my daughter. I must be willing to face myself enough and be the role model I want my daughter to aspire to embody.”
So now whenever this woman hears or feels her inner critic rising up, she thinks to herself “how would I want my daughter to feel right now? What would I tell her about herself?” And that is what she then tells herself. That is how she tries to treat herself. That is how she is raising herself, to raise her daughter.
I was really impacted by this woman's story. I felt so connected to what she had shared because in part that was my story too. A mother who said “you can do anything you believe you can” but never did that for herself. A mother who said “you have a beautiful figure” but berated her “fatness” and ‘rated’ her self-worth based on her appearance. It was not what she said that I lived out, it was what she role-modelled that became my inner voice.
We are feeling creatures. As women this is exponentially more potent – we absorb our surroundings and create meaning based on what we hear, see, feel and intuitively understand. It is this combination that forms our understanding of someone or something. Not what is said alone.
So why is hating so much easier than loving?
Because loving requires us to face ourselves. To face the beliefs that have led us here, to delve into who we are and why, to understand our resistance and walk into our challenge. It seems to us, or to our conscious ego, that we would be ‘saved’ from lots of pain if we just conform, if we fit in and don’t rock the boat, it we avoid the very thing that looms over us keeping us caged and small. But the reality is, no one ever grows in a comfort zone.
I want to see my daughters grow up in a world where they see a big spectrum of normal bodies, where they can see themselves in other women. Where my son loves and adores the feminine in all its forms and glory. I don’t’ want any of them believing that beauty and magnetism comes from one tiny slither of that spectrum. I don’t’ want any of the m believing that their pleasure is dependent on fitting in to that tiny slither.
I want them to embrace the body they have. To love what it does for them every day, to adore how it performs, to relish how it feels. I want them to know health and how good their body is designed to feel. I want them to see beauty wherever they are.
And it starts with me. If I can’t do this for myself, no way is this a reality for my children.
So darling heart, walk the walk with me. Be courageous enough to really know yourself and let your magnificence, your brand of beauty, shine. Join us for our next live round of Loathing to Loving commencing in February.
Did you know we’ve just made it LIFETIME ACCESS?
That means you only pay the course fee once, get immediate access to the course material and can take part in any (or all!) of our 5-week live rounds of the course; which run 3 times a year.
As part of this course you also get access to our Members Only Facebook group where you get access to individual coaching, can learn form others and begin to form some incredible bonds with other women in this tribe who are on a journey just like you!
I really hope you are able to make the dive with us.