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Finding my desire

Blog Listing

A collection of stories, insights, pain and laughter that details our lives, our experiences as women and mothers and the wisdom that comes out of that.

Finding my desire

Julie Tenner

“I’m an explorer, want to explore with me?” 
says my 4 year old daughter with excited anticipation.

Want to explore with me?

The words echo in my mind.  I feel a stirring in my belly and an anticipatory tingle even lower.

My husband looks at me smiling, you know those smiles that say ‘this is special, look what we created, aren’t they amazing?’ and answers “SURE!”.

I’m sitting with my baby and in the other room I can hear the two of them in full-imaginative play mode, dinosaur hunting.

Want to explore with me?  My mind is still asking. 

Well, do you?  says my inner voice, as I register a smile spreading throughout my body.

In this moment, despite four kids in the room with us, despite my husband being in ‘dad mode’ and me with a baby on my lap, I connect to the tingle that becomes a spark of attraction, ignited by the image of play.

Want to explore with me? 
 

What would happen if I asked my inner seductress this?  What would happen if I gave her the time and the permission to…just play? 

To explore both my inner stirrings, and my husband, like a foreign landscape? 

What would happen? 


Likely, I would find my inner juiciness, that wellspring of desire that oftentimes seems elusive, or altogether dried up. 

What if like an underground well, my desire is neither gone nor missing, but simply I’ve forgotten how to discover it?  Or potentially, don’t allow her to exist because…I don’t know, perhaps I’m scared?  We think of letting go and surrendering as a passive process, but it requires a lot of active inner-work to allow it.  Perhaps it would bust my story on being burnt out, or even remove the very reason I think I’m deserving of re-fuelling time-out. 

What would happen and how would my life change if I was lush?

What if I could allow myself to sink into play that had an edge of discovery and a tingle of mystery?

What if I could allow my inner explorer to map out more unmarked territory in this body called ‘woman’?


What if like a water diviner, I could focus my attention and attune my body, to the subtle energy of my desirous wellspring? 

Would I find an overflowing well buried deep within?

 

I already know the answer.  Yes, of course I would.  I have before.  And then life gets busy and my focus shifts and I ‘forget’ how to follow a path back to those waters of divine youth and creativity.  I stop investing in my relationship and in myself.  I stop consciously carving out the time to do so and what was once lush, becomes overgrown, forgotten and barren.

The truth is, those lush waters are never gone, just unaccessed.  They are never missing, just buried.  Buried by layers of belief and neglect that pile up and sometimes crust over.  

But a water diviner knows.  A water diviner feels the energy and potential buried below, and despite ‘popular opinion’ trusts their intuition and their body enough to explore, and discover, and ultimately is rewarded.

Want to explore with me?

 How in tune a family unit is.  How precisely our children reflect us; offering up what needs attention before we even consciously register it.   

Want to explore with me?

Well, do you?.....

 

Nourishing the Mother
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Julie Tenner is Co-founder of Nourishing The Mother and is The Pleasure Nutritionist. Julie is a Naturopath, specialising in women’s and children's health, with specific focus on awakening women to their full potential – health for the mind, body and soul – creating lasting life change for you and your family by “coming home” to your magnificence.