The pain of a woman in this state can be so overwhelming to our senses that we want to run from it, smooth it over with “not meant to be, it’ll be fine next time”. Culturally its so uncomfortable we’d rather just pretend ‘its nothing’ and move on.
When we avoid rather than step into the discomfort of women in pain, we repeat this cycle. We make it okay to avoid emotion and we dishonour the women around us. We cement the feelings of shame and isolation.
As I mentioned in our Miscarriage Podcast, I’d rather step into the pain and offer some space for it. I do this by honouring her and her pain with a care package and note, that I drop by her front door.
I always include a candle in this care package. There is something so reverent and ritualistic about lighting a candle. Candles have been used for centuries to centre energy, to embrace the ‘fire’ of intention and as a portal to consciousness moving inwards. They can be used to burn fears, to light a blessing or to centre a prayer.
Here is one such note I wrote to a friend after I found out she was in the depths of pain and struggle after experiencing a miscarriage.
There are no words that can express the deep pain, sadness and grief you are journeying at the moment.
Amidst all the “its normal” messages I really want you to know I see you and your pain and if you ever need to feel heard, I’m here.
These little souls that bless our lives, even for moments, can bring with them the greatest gifts of love, grace and consciousness and I believe we carry these gifts with us into our next journey.
I see a magnificent woman in you. One who loves fiercely, cares deeply and sprinkles happiness and empathy with grace and charm. My soul sees your soul and I hope you find the space to grieve and re-centre – if only in a prayer every time you light this candle.
You are loved deeply and when you are ready, we’re all here for you.
How would you feel sending this? How would you feel receiving this? The holding of space is an art form of the feminine. To feel held is a truly special moment we all remember – when all your rawness, your ferocity, your wildishness, your beauty and your softness are met with spaciousness.
It is here we are all free to explore who we really are, what our hearts and souls are whispering to us and to expand our tolerance of feeling. This is perhaps the greatest gift any of us can offer another; to love them just as they are, with no desire for change. It’s all we ever want in this lifetime and you can do this for a loved one in person, or by distance; the energy and intention will be felt either way.
So next time you want to shy away from an awkward conversation, lean in a little and offer your own version of holding space for wherever they are at xx
If you're ready to go deeper within yourself and mine the wisdom from your painful experiences then you're ready for our Loathing to Loving Program.
Julie Tenner is Co-founder of Nourishing The Mother and is The Pleasure Nutritionist. Julie is a Naturopath, specialising in women’s and children's health, with specific focus on awakening women to their full potential – health for the mind, body and soul – creating lasting life change for you and your family by “coming home” to your magnificence.