As a culture we are so uncomfortable with “difficult women”.
"Nasty women”, as coined by Donald Trump.
For millennia we have been cultured as women to serve, to be gentle, to be NICE over honest, to be kind to everyone else…and then when we feel at odds with the choices we make and we wonder why we’re so frustrated and self-criticising.
You see, as a culture we are taught to serve others and as mothers, to serve ourselves last. To ignore our own needs (which are selfish) and give beyond the resources we have. In response to this, we have this debilitating phenomenon known as “mother guilt” and self-flagellation that is almost an Olympic sport.
In recent years, we’ve seen the tables turn somewhat on this discussion and “Self-Care” has entered the arena as a hot topic. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with self-care, there’s not! But the way its “sold” to us, rarely fills the cavernous hole we feel some days swallowed by.
Self-care is more than a trip to the nail salon or a night out with the girls. Self-care is what we do to honour ourselves, our deepest desires and our needs EVERY DAY.
Do I want my children to grow up sacrificing their own needs and desires, in service of another?
Or do I want them to honour who they are and follow their own truth and dreams?
The answer to the last question is an easy one – I’m sure we’d all answer the same – “Yes, of course I do! With my whole heart” – yet the application of what that means for us as mothers, is often not a baton we pick up willingly.
When push comes to shove and you know, either you, another person or your child are overstepping, or perhaps trampling, your boundary – will you stand up and protect your borders? Or will you acquiesce, be kind, and ignore your collapsing safety net?
Our ability to hold spaciousness for our children, to anchor whatever comes up for them and our family dynamic, comes from our ability to maintain our boundaries. The stronger our desire to maintain our boundaries, the stronger our sense of self-worth and the more readily our children roll with our needs.
It seems like a paradox, but spaciousness and freedom spring from feeling safe and how crumbled or in-tact our boundaries are, dictates how safe we feel to open up to freedom and spaciousness.
Daring to stand up for what serves you greatly, is, in essence, you saying “yes, I’ve got your back no matter what, you’re safe”. I’d say its one of life’s most important lessons and is ingrained in self worth and resilience.
We podcast and blog on boundaries and its often a topic of discussion in our Members Only Facebook group, so I feel like we can never be reminded often enough.
Your boundaries are important, because you are important.
How you show up in this world dictates what shows up in your world.
We would love nothing more than for you as a woman and a mother to hold with sincerity and clarity that which most serves you – even if it involves some tough-love boundaries with those closest to you. The more certain you are of your worth, the less people around you will challenge those borders.
It is daring self-care and we would love you to open what’s possible by listening deeply to what you most need right now and then courageously acting on it.
If you'd like to dive deeper with us and awaken more of what's possible for you - join our members only tribe and begin having these conversations and support NOW! Our next live Loathing to Loving Program commences in June.
Julie Tenner is Co-founder of Nourishing The Mother and is The Pleasure Nutritionist. Julie is a Naturopath, specialising in women’s and children's health, with specific focus on awakening women to their full potential – health for the mind, body and soul – creating lasting life change for you and your family by “coming home” to your magnificence.